When I was first diagnosed with an eating disorder, I was relieved. Finally, I had an explanation for why I was the way I was. For years, I had struggled with my body image, obsessing over my weight and thinking that I was fat even when I was dangerously thin. My eating disorder gave me a way to control my body and my life. It was a way to cope with the pain I was feeling inside.
Initially, I didn't think I would miss my eating disorder. I was so relieved to be finally getting help and to be on the road to recovery. However, as time went on, I realized that there were aspects of my eating disorder that I missed. I missed the feeling of being in control. I missed the satisfaction of seeing the numbers on the scale go down. I missed the attention that I was getting from friends and family members who were worried about me.
While I don't miss the pain and suffering that my eating disorder caused, I do miss the sense of control it gave me. Recovering from an eating disorder is hard work. It's a constant battle to resist the urge to go back to my old ways. Some days I feel like I'm never going to make it. That's when I start to miss my eating disorder. It's a sick and twisted way of thinking, but I can't help it.
If you are struggling with an eating disorder, please know that you are not alone. Many people have been where you are and have come out the other side. Recovery is possible.
What were some of the early warning signs that you were developing an eating disorder?
There were several early warning signs that I was developing an eating disorder. Firstly, I was extremely unhappy with my body and the way I looked. I thought I was too fat and I was desperately trying to lose weight. I would obsessively calorie count and exercise excessively. I would skip meals, or if I did eat, I would only have a very small portion. I was fixated on being thin and I would compare my body to other girls. I was constantly criticising myself and I was never happy with my appearance.
Another early warning sign was my relationship with food. I would either binge eat or starve myself. I would feel guilty and ashamed after eating, even if it was just a normal meal. I would excessively exercise to try and make up for the calories I had consumed. I would only eat “healthy” foods and I would avoid eating any fatty or sugary foods. I would become anxious if I couldn’t control what I was eating.
My mood also changed significantly when I was developing an eating disorder. I became withdrawn and irritable. I had no energy and I was always tired. I was Moody and my concentration levels suffered. I stopped enjoying activities that I used to love. I became obsessed with food and my weight, and my thoughts were constantly consumed by my appearance.
If you are experiencing any of these early warning signs, it is important to seek help as soon as possible. Eating disorders are serious mental illnesses that can have a huge impact on your physical health and wellbeing. Early intervention is vital in order to prevent the eating disorder from escalating and causing further harm. There are many support groups and therapies available that can help you recover from an eating disorder.
What were some of the things that you did to try to control your eating disorder?
There were many things that I did to try to control my eating disorder. I kept a food diary, I tried different diets, I saw a therapist, and I went to an outpatient treatment program.
I kept a food diary to track my eating and my moods. I tried different diets to see if they would help me control my eating. I saw a therapist to talk about my eating disorder and my feelings. I went to an outpatient treatment program to get help from a team of professionals.
What were some of the things that you did to hide your eating disorder from others?
One of the main things I did to hide my eating disorder from others was to make sure that I ate in front of them. I would make a big show of taking large bites and chewing slowly, even if I didn’t really feel like eating. I would also compliment whatever they were eating, no matter how I actually felt about it.
Another thing I did was to keep my body concealed as much as possible. I would always wear loose fitting clothes and avoid wearing anything that showed my body in any way. I also made sure to always wear a lot of layers, even in the summer, so that no one could see how thin I really was.
Lastly, I would avoid any kind of conversations about food or weight. If someone brought it up, I would quickly change the subject or make a joke out of it. I didn’t want anyone to know how serious my eating disorder was, so I would do anything to keep the focus off of me.
These are just a few of the things I did to hide my eating disorder from others. It was important to me that no one knew how sick I really was, so I would go to great lengths to keep up the façade.
What were some of the things that you wished you could have done differently to prevent your eating disorder?
If I could go back and change anything about my eating disorder, I would have paid more attention to my mental health. I was so focused on losing weight and being thin that I didn't realize how my disorder was affecting my mood and overall wellbeing. I wish I had recognized the warning signs sooner and taken steps to address my mental health issues before they manifested into an eating disorder.
I would also have sought professional help sooner. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to seek help for a long time, and by the time I finally reached out, my disorder was well-entrenched. If I had gotten help sooner, I might have been able to avoid some of the negative physical and psychological consequences of my disorder.
Finally, I would have been more open with my family and friends about my struggles. I kept everything hidden for so long, and in doing so, I isolated myself and made it harder to recover. If I had been more open and honest with the people who care about me, I might have been able to get the support I needed to recover sooner.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is it like to have an eating disorder?
There is no one answer to this question as every person with an eating disorder experiences it differently. However, some common symptoms associated with eating disorders can include excessively restricted food intake, overeating, fasting or irregular eating habits, avoidance of certain foods and excessive weight gain. As someone who has an eating disorder, it may be difficult to explain the specifics of your experience because it can be deeply personal. Some people with eating disorders might also experience physical signs such as extreme bodyweight imbalance, signs of malnutrition and irregular periods.
What is the end result of anorexia?
The end result of anorexia is death.
Is it possible to have an eating disorder if you forget hunger?
It's possible to have an eating disorder if you forget hunger, but it's not common. It's more likely that if you have an eating disorder, you'll have trouble controlling your food intake in other ways as well.
Is it normal to miss the feeling of hunger?
Most people likely miss the feeling of hunger to some degree. It can be hard to resist a good foodie culture, especially if you're not used to feeling hunger yourself. However, it is important to be careful not to let these feelings turn into a relapse. If you have someone who can support you ask them for help in making sure you eat properly and reach out to your support system if you have one.
How do people with an eating disorder feel about their bodies?
Some people with an eating disorder may feel very uncomfortable about their bodies. They may focus on the negative things that they see in their mirror or think about what they would change about their body. They may feel like they do not belong in their own skin and may be more likely to self-harm or resort to vomiting or purging as a way to deal with emotional stress.
